Thursday, 29 November 2007

How to make a cup of coffee whilst on the FRU

Step 1:

Select cup. Get a call, leave cup where it is and hope it's there when you return.
Drunken man on pavement. Refuses ambulances. Call it in. Return


Step 2:

Select a teaspoon to accompany cup. Get a call, leave cup and teaspoon and hope they are still there when you return.
Drunken woman on pavement, sister of drunken man (probably). Crew takes her to a better place. Return.


Step 3:

Put coffee in cup. Get a call, leave cup, teaspoon and coffee where they are and hope they are still there when you return.
Almost get trampled as you attempt to reach a girl who has fainted in a night club.
Attend to her and fifteen of her crazy friends as they mill around crying about her imminent demise. Pray for crew to arrive. Crew arrives (prayer answered).
Return.


Step 4:

Pour hot water into cup. You now have a cup of black coffee. Get a call, leave black coffee and teaspoon where they are and hope they are still there when you return.
Get cancelled half way down the road, return to black coffee.


Step 5:

Pour milk into black coffee. You now have a cup of white coffee but you still have to stir it. Get a call, leave unstirred white coffee and teaspoon where they are and hope they are still there when you return.
Arrive on scene only to find a crew dealing with the patient – you are not required. Return to white coffee and teaspoon.


Step 6:

Stir coffee. No need for sugar or the teaspoon any more. Wash teaspoon. Get a call,
leave unsweetened white coffee and hope it’s still there when you return.
Get cancelled before you even get in the car. Don’t forget to change status to ‘away from vehicle’ or ‘at station’ or there will be trouble.


Step 7:

Put coffee to lips and sip. Get a call, leave single-sipped unsweetened white coffee and hope it's still there when you return.
Treat old lady for a fall in which she has bruised her head. Wait for crew to arrive and leave when they are happy to deal. Return to single-sipped unsweetened white coffee.
It’s cold. Damn!


Step 8:

Put coffee in microwave for 30 seconds. Return to sipping. Maybe allow yourself to relax a little and start drinking it properly without fear of another call coming through.
Get a call, leave semi-sipped, almost drunk coffee and hope it’s still there when you return.
Treat no-one ‘cos it’s another bloody hoax. Return to find coffee’s gone. It’s been washed out or finished off, you’ll never find out which.



Be safe.

4 comments:

Sian said...

sounds very similar as "how to make a coffee when u have a 3 year old running around" but with slightly higher risk of the cup being moved finished off or washed up.

Anonymous said...

I think we should club together and buy you this for Christmas:
http://www.baronbob.com/Drink-HatYellow-main.jpg

Coffee Thermos on the left; bottle of milk on the right; and a mixing valve to ensure they are delivered is the correct ratio - that's all you need. We might even get MEDIC printed across the front in big letters for you.

Asp said...

Insulated mugs.

My record is returning to the drink (tea in my case) 3 patients and 45 minutes after the pouring of hot water. It was still warm.

I also refuse to crew any vehicle without a cup holder, then I can slurp at scene ;)

Xf said...

anon

thanks for that - it would clash with the green uniform though. I'd look like a sunflower.
:-)