The news is full of stories about the ‘recent’ increase in youth violence and the hot topic at the moment is the question of how we deal with it as a society. Police stop and search tactics are increasing, much to the dismay of minority groups who feel that they will be unfairly targeted and metal detectors are being introduced into public places, all to make us feel safer.
Something is missing though and the biggest issue of all is being overlooked; our children are being brought up with little regard for the law and no respect for adults – the root of the problem lies at home, often with parents who either have no respect for law and order themselves or who are too ‘liberal’ to do anything about their unruly kids.
It’s not fashionable or PC to discuss punishment when it comes to children but every society needs control, otherwise you have anarchy, starting with the kids. Almost all of our learning with respect to discipline and behaviour is derived from our upbringing and the pressure of peers as we get older. We copy the behaviour of those we respect and want to be like, so if you are living in an environment that teaches you not to fear the police and authority; where violence is seen to be the solution for every problem and where your friends are made up of the same type of person with the same upbringing, then you are more than likely to become a product of it.
The recent stabbings, more notably of the Harry Potter actor, have highlighted the difficulties we now face but they have been sown by us. I watched three young lads, probably 13 year-olds, mucking about on The Strand at 7am. They weren’t dressed for school and I’m not sure if it was a school holiday but they were amusing themselves by running around and bumping into people who were on their way to work. They used straws to blow little bits of paper at each other and then started targeting commuters as they climbed the stairs from the underground – spitting at them then running away. It seems a small issue and no more than high jinx I know, but what I was seeing was the beginning of something much more progressive – these kids had no fear of the consequences of what they were doing. There simply is no punishment for their actions, however innocuous they may seem.
What if one of those kids had knocked someone over when they bumped into them? They run away, someone possibly gives chase. They may even get caught. Then what? You can’t clip them behind the ear like in the ‘good old days’ because that’s assault and battery. You can’t even hold on to them physically because it amounts to the same thing if they decide to complain about it. One of them may be carrying a weapon and your life ends because you stood up for yourself. It all seems melodramatic in text but you read about this stuff every day now.
I’m not an advocate of hitting children…or anyone for that matter but I think a little bit of discipline at home is necessary. I grew up believing that physical punishment was normal; my natural father regularly beat me, sometimes seriously and I truly believed, at the age of five or six, that he wanted to kill me but it didn’t stop me being a naughty child because almost all children are naughty. What I needed was respect and love and I needed a strong, leading character in my life to help me decide what was right and wrong; beating the hell out of me for stealing sweets from Woolworths was hardly the right way to shape my character. I was lucky, however and my step-father changed me when I was in my teens. I believe that his behaviour affected mine so profoundly that I began to see sense.
I won’t even drop litter – it would make me feel guilty! I’m not perfect but I have a sense of social responsibility that is part of me now. The kids that are killing each other have no such sense; they have a hierarchy within their peer group and that’s pretty much where their allegiance lies. That doesn’t mean they can’t be changed but the older they become and the longer we wait, the harder it will be to affect them. That’s why the Government’s new video on knife crime is such a joke. Young people who were asked to comment on it suggested, quite correctly, that it wouldn’t make any difference because it almost glamorises violence and ‘we see worse on video games’. Another spokesperson for youth stated that knife carrying youngsters often film their own acts of violence anyway, so giving them a professional produced piece of fiction is laughable.
The recent murder of 17 year-old Amar Aslam, who was beaten to death in a park in broad daylight should hint at the value of the Government’s weak efforts to thwart the spread of such acts because this young man wasn’t stabbed or shot, so whether a weapon is used or not is irrelevant to the problem.
His mother appeared on the news and she stood bravely in front of the camera asking that people ‘bring up their children responsibly’. Now, I have been decried by at least one critic of my book where the hint of racism was used to defend his/her description of a single line in which I specifically mention how impressed I was with the behaviour of the Muslim families I have visited in the course of my profession. I was simply defining something that has also hit the headlines recently - the decline in social values as a result of the deterioration of Christianity as a backbone for good values. I am not a religious person but I truly believe that we all need guidance and religion, or any belief that teaches moral fortitude, is important in society. The Islamic faith, notwithstanding its very few radical followers, among many other faiths, is so strong among its people that you don’t tend to see decline in family values and therefore children’s behaviour with respect to the law and basic respect for others. I am, of course, reflecting only on my own experience with such families.
Even our pets are taught right from wrong. I would argue that people who allow their dogs to wander around and foul the streets are the same people who let their kids run riot and go out at night without any thought of where they are or what they are getting up to. It’s entirely natural for young children to disobey and take risks; without this instinct they would never learn for themselves but without consequences and punishment, neither will they clearly learn the difference between right and wrong.
As long as we continue the debate without dealing with the root of the problem, we will churn out new generations of indifferent, socially inept people and they will have children who act the same way.
In the United States it’s not uncommon for drunk drivers to be taken to the morgue and shown the result of their carelessness. Why don’t we do the same with anyone found carrying a knife? And please don’t bleat to me about how cruel that would be; if you carry a deadly weapon you deserve to be shown what it will do to someone if used. Show these individuals a couple of stabbed or shot corpses – tell them who they were and what family they had – shock them into realising what they will end up like.
Another sound argument, in my opinion, is the reintroduction of National Service. Again, it’s not a popular liberal solution because there will always be those who say that teaching our youngsters to kill is counter-productive but the army also teaches respect, discipline and teamwork. I’m not naïve, I’ve been a soldier and I know there are imperfections there too but look at how deep all this is running – our armed forces are under attack by the very people they defend just for doing their job, whether politically that is right or wrong is irrelevant. This is just another clue to the decline of respect and it comes about in this case because some people have lost faith.
Our children have no faith in the system because all we hear about is how corrupt and dishonest our elected leaders are. That is completely understandable; if you look up to someone and they disappoint you then trust and respect is gone. Many of our kids live in poor, underprivileged areas and have little choice but to turn to gang culture, drugs and violence in order to survive. This isn’t their fault – its ours.
I wouldn’t dare to take the moral high ground here because I know how bad I was as a child and I still remember the need to be popular and give in to peer influence but if all children understood where the line was and what the ramifications were then crossing it would require greater consideration.
A spokesman for black youth in London put it very succinctly on the news recently; those who carry knives have power and credence in their peer group (or gang if you want) but once they’ve killed someone, where do they go from there?
Something is missing though and the biggest issue of all is being overlooked; our children are being brought up with little regard for the law and no respect for adults – the root of the problem lies at home, often with parents who either have no respect for law and order themselves or who are too ‘liberal’ to do anything about their unruly kids.
It’s not fashionable or PC to discuss punishment when it comes to children but every society needs control, otherwise you have anarchy, starting with the kids. Almost all of our learning with respect to discipline and behaviour is derived from our upbringing and the pressure of peers as we get older. We copy the behaviour of those we respect and want to be like, so if you are living in an environment that teaches you not to fear the police and authority; where violence is seen to be the solution for every problem and where your friends are made up of the same type of person with the same upbringing, then you are more than likely to become a product of it.
The recent stabbings, more notably of the Harry Potter actor, have highlighted the difficulties we now face but they have been sown by us. I watched three young lads, probably 13 year-olds, mucking about on The Strand at 7am. They weren’t dressed for school and I’m not sure if it was a school holiday but they were amusing themselves by running around and bumping into people who were on their way to work. They used straws to blow little bits of paper at each other and then started targeting commuters as they climbed the stairs from the underground – spitting at them then running away. It seems a small issue and no more than high jinx I know, but what I was seeing was the beginning of something much more progressive – these kids had no fear of the consequences of what they were doing. There simply is no punishment for their actions, however innocuous they may seem.
What if one of those kids had knocked someone over when they bumped into them? They run away, someone possibly gives chase. They may even get caught. Then what? You can’t clip them behind the ear like in the ‘good old days’ because that’s assault and battery. You can’t even hold on to them physically because it amounts to the same thing if they decide to complain about it. One of them may be carrying a weapon and your life ends because you stood up for yourself. It all seems melodramatic in text but you read about this stuff every day now.
I’m not an advocate of hitting children…or anyone for that matter but I think a little bit of discipline at home is necessary. I grew up believing that physical punishment was normal; my natural father regularly beat me, sometimes seriously and I truly believed, at the age of five or six, that he wanted to kill me but it didn’t stop me being a naughty child because almost all children are naughty. What I needed was respect and love and I needed a strong, leading character in my life to help me decide what was right and wrong; beating the hell out of me for stealing sweets from Woolworths was hardly the right way to shape my character. I was lucky, however and my step-father changed me when I was in my teens. I believe that his behaviour affected mine so profoundly that I began to see sense.
I won’t even drop litter – it would make me feel guilty! I’m not perfect but I have a sense of social responsibility that is part of me now. The kids that are killing each other have no such sense; they have a hierarchy within their peer group and that’s pretty much where their allegiance lies. That doesn’t mean they can’t be changed but the older they become and the longer we wait, the harder it will be to affect them. That’s why the Government’s new video on knife crime is such a joke. Young people who were asked to comment on it suggested, quite correctly, that it wouldn’t make any difference because it almost glamorises violence and ‘we see worse on video games’. Another spokesperson for youth stated that knife carrying youngsters often film their own acts of violence anyway, so giving them a professional produced piece of fiction is laughable.
The recent murder of 17 year-old Amar Aslam, who was beaten to death in a park in broad daylight should hint at the value of the Government’s weak efforts to thwart the spread of such acts because this young man wasn’t stabbed or shot, so whether a weapon is used or not is irrelevant to the problem.
His mother appeared on the news and she stood bravely in front of the camera asking that people ‘bring up their children responsibly’. Now, I have been decried by at least one critic of my book where the hint of racism was used to defend his/her description of a single line in which I specifically mention how impressed I was with the behaviour of the Muslim families I have visited in the course of my profession. I was simply defining something that has also hit the headlines recently - the decline in social values as a result of the deterioration of Christianity as a backbone for good values. I am not a religious person but I truly believe that we all need guidance and religion, or any belief that teaches moral fortitude, is important in society. The Islamic faith, notwithstanding its very few radical followers, among many other faiths, is so strong among its people that you don’t tend to see decline in family values and therefore children’s behaviour with respect to the law and basic respect for others. I am, of course, reflecting only on my own experience with such families.
Even our pets are taught right from wrong. I would argue that people who allow their dogs to wander around and foul the streets are the same people who let their kids run riot and go out at night without any thought of where they are or what they are getting up to. It’s entirely natural for young children to disobey and take risks; without this instinct they would never learn for themselves but without consequences and punishment, neither will they clearly learn the difference between right and wrong.
As long as we continue the debate without dealing with the root of the problem, we will churn out new generations of indifferent, socially inept people and they will have children who act the same way.
In the United States it’s not uncommon for drunk drivers to be taken to the morgue and shown the result of their carelessness. Why don’t we do the same with anyone found carrying a knife? And please don’t bleat to me about how cruel that would be; if you carry a deadly weapon you deserve to be shown what it will do to someone if used. Show these individuals a couple of stabbed or shot corpses – tell them who they were and what family they had – shock them into realising what they will end up like.
Another sound argument, in my opinion, is the reintroduction of National Service. Again, it’s not a popular liberal solution because there will always be those who say that teaching our youngsters to kill is counter-productive but the army also teaches respect, discipline and teamwork. I’m not naïve, I’ve been a soldier and I know there are imperfections there too but look at how deep all this is running – our armed forces are under attack by the very people they defend just for doing their job, whether politically that is right or wrong is irrelevant. This is just another clue to the decline of respect and it comes about in this case because some people have lost faith.
Our children have no faith in the system because all we hear about is how corrupt and dishonest our elected leaders are. That is completely understandable; if you look up to someone and they disappoint you then trust and respect is gone. Many of our kids live in poor, underprivileged areas and have little choice but to turn to gang culture, drugs and violence in order to survive. This isn’t their fault – its ours.
I wouldn’t dare to take the moral high ground here because I know how bad I was as a child and I still remember the need to be popular and give in to peer influence but if all children understood where the line was and what the ramifications were then crossing it would require greater consideration.
A spokesman for black youth in London put it very succinctly on the news recently; those who carry knives have power and credence in their peer group (or gang if you want) but once they’ve killed someone, where do they go from there?
Xf
Posts
20 comments:
this post is perfect, read it all and did not disagree with any of it. The trouble is that people are too scared to even approach these teens who are misbehaving because they fear they could be shot or stabbed, but if these teens were educated by their parents on right and wrong,they woulnt feel the need to carry a weapon. If they were brought up properly, again they wouldnt feel the need to carry a weapon. The only problem is with families with single parents where its not more difficult to raise a family financially and also a good pbringing, it is too much of a burden for some single parents; its worse with those who are distant from their families, as sometimes uncles and aunts can also help with the upbringing, as with my family, my father left us at a young age, but we are a close-knit family and my uncles treated me no different to their own kids, if i stepped out of line, a smack was given. The problem is that attitudes of young people have generally been declining for awhile, im sure most people have heard someone older than them that 'it wasnt like this in my days' but the behaviour of children is so bad now that assaults and murders are common, whereas previously it would have been more of a beating, cut bruises, scrapes not punctured lung and broken ribs
I think laziness and a lack of personal responsibility are more often the cause of parents' failure to raise their children to respect the law and others than 'liberalism,' however that's defined. I agree with you on a lot of other points; interesting post.
Great post.
Xf,
Great post. might I add that in obedience we find freedom. I am never worried about patrol cars when I'm doing the speed limit, by way of example.
Regional Para
All children do naughty things. They're children.
But the problem comes when some children believe that they become "cool" when they carry knives. Or guns. Or take drugs. Or smoke, etc.
And then you've got the group that I fit into. I don't feel safe because of these groups (Even passing 12/13 year olds in the street). Most of the group i'm in probably carry knives for self defense, or carry some kind of repellant spray (Bouncer Spray) for self defense (Since pepper spray isn't legal in the UK)
Hi There, I have to say how much I appreciate your blog although I do not usually take the time to comment. My apologies for not letting you know befoe how much your efforts are appreciated. I have to say that I feel with this one you have hit the nail fairly and squarely on the head. No respect, for anything it seems to me, is what is lacking in this Society. 30 years ago I remember walking down a street and seeing a father with a very small child, about 4/5, looking at a police car and telling the child "no not police, pigs, thats what they are pigs". Now we are reaping the effects of such teachings so long ago. I am all for governments who kept secret what they did at least we had respect for them because we knew no different. Now, as you say, we have no one to respect because all we hear about are what they do wrong. Politicians, Police, Public figures of all sorts, all we hear is about their faults, very rarely about anything they do which is worth respect. Unfortunately I think it is much too late to turn Society round and I worry about what sort of life my grandson will have in future years.
Great blog, xf! Be safe this weekend and always. xxx
Wow, this post is amazing. It should be published on the front page of every newspaper, I reckon that 99% of the population would agree with you and if I'm wrong then at least it would bring about an open debate. How can the government spend so much money on these campaigns and get it so wrong on so many levels?
Why don't they just ask the people on the front line (police and paramedics)and get real?
Thanks for everything you do for us.
Spot on mate, everything you said there is true. I was brought up by my Dad, living in the pub he runs. And my brother and I worked hard whenever we weren't at school. But we were brought up to understand that we need to pull our weight and know that work and respect was the right way to live. All the time we can see the efects of laziness and lack of respect in the people we serve, parents getting hammered whilst their kids run around unsupervised for sometimes 11-12 hours until we kick them out, boozed up and unaware.
But this has become an acceptable way to live now, handouts, broken families and petty criminals, when we let the little things like theft go unpunished in parents what chance is there that the kids wont join in, without fear of consequence?
I think we wont save our society in my lifetime, I just want to qualify and emmigrate.
I totally agree with everything you've said here, great post! It seems that more and more young people are loosing respect for society. I've seen it happening myself in my school over the past 7 years. When I started secondary school, being the youngest myself and my classmate always respected the older pupils and teachers, we had to stand whenever a teacher or prefect entered the room and just did what you would consider to be obvious kind gestures such as holding doors open, speaking politely to teachers etc. Now however I've just left the sixth form and all of this has completely changed over these few years, you get younger years answering back and shouting at teachers, they push past anyone and everyone in the corridors, drop litter, but then no one can teach them a proper lesson because they just use the phrase 'you're not allowed to touch me...' and they don't fear anyone because of this. Its appalling!! I think its got to be started early in the family home and in primary schools to teach all children morals and respect. Maybe this way they'll be more likely to think before they act!
This extract from; ”Star ship Troopers” by Robert Heinlein – written in USA almost 50 years ago - may sound familiar??
The story is set in the near future, and the character 'Jonny'( a miliary trainee) is musing over the lessons he recieved in high school about the "late 20th Century"
"Law-abiding people," Dubois had told us, "hardly dared go into a public park at night. To do so was to risk attack by wolf packs of children, armed with chains, knives, home-made guns, bludgeons ... to be hurt at least, robbed most certainly, injured for life probably - or even killed. <> Murder, drug addiction, larceny, assault, and vandalism were commonplace. Nor were parks the only places - these things happened also on the streets in daylight, on school grounds, even inside school buildings. But parks were so notoriously unsafe that honest people; stayed clear of them after dark. <> . Back to these young criminals - They probably were not smacked as babies; <>The usual sequence was: for a first offence, a warning scolding, often without trial. After several offenses a sentence of confinement but with sentence suspended and the youngster placed on probation. A boy might be arrested many times and convicted several times before he was punished – and then it would be merely confinement, with others like him from whom he learned still more criminal habits. If he kept out of major trouble while confined, he could usually evade most of even that mild punishment, be given probation - 'paroled' in the jargon of the times.
This incredible sequence could go on for years while his crimes increased in frequency and viciousness, with no punishment whatever save rare dull-but-comfortable confinements.
"These juvenile criminals hit a low level. Born with only instinct for survival, the, highest morality they achieved shaky loyalty to a peer group, a street gang. But the do-gooders attempted to 'appeal to their better natures’ to 'reach them' to 'spark their moral sense.' Tosh! They had no 'better natures'; experience taught them that what they were doing was the way to survive. The puppy never got his spanking: therefore what he did with pleasure and success must be `moral '
"The basis of all morality is duty, a concept with the same relation to group that self-interest has to individual. Nobody preached duty to these kids in a way they could understand - that is, with a spanking. But the society they were in told them endlessly about their 'rights.'
&c.>
I agree mostly with this post. Although I'm only 16 so probably fit into the whole 'badly behaved youth of today' bracket there is also a difference between how people in our year group behave and people in year 7 behave.
When I joined school I was terrified of anyone older/ senior to me and a lot of my year group were like that. Now the year 7s will answer back to teachers and older kids where before the majority didn't.
I also think there's an aspect of disillusionment with kids- I've been followed around shops for no other reason than my age, orhad drivers slow down as they past me to make a comment about how people 'my age' show no respect despite the fact I'm not doing anything except for walking along. People get fed up of being told they're bad etc because of their age- which many of the people I know have been told- and you do lose respect for 'your elders' if you're often judged based on your age group.
Having said that, I agree that a lot of influence comes from home and if a person isn't disiplined correctly then they grow up thinking they can do anything without being punished.
Gret post Xf and I completely agree with it all!
I'm about to enter my last year at sixth form and the secondary school that I left last year was going down hill by the second. When I was on prefect duty, I was pushed against the wall by a large year 7(!) pupil who didn't like the fact that I wouldn't let him into the corridor. Thankfully my english teacher came out at that moment to help me out because I was there on my own (due to the others dealing with another incident) and I only recieved a damaged muscle in my arm from the force the kid used to push me against the wall. The thing that scared me was the fact that this kid was known to have brought a knife into school and what on earth would I have done if he had decided to get one out that day?! and the reason he was still in the school? His mum had complained about it as well as the school deciding it would cost them too much to exclude him! so all that came out of it was that I was left with a damaged muscle after sitting in A&E for 4 hours two weeks before my GCSEs.
Stay safe Xf
I also agree with your post. As a child of the 70's, the thought of being caught by a policeman doing something wrong (possibly standing on a wall, sneaking through someone's garden etc) was bad enough. The thought of my mother being 'disappointed' (she had a 'look') when the policeman told her, was terrifying! Children these days do not have the same respect for authority - possibly because 'authority' is no longer allowed to do anything!
On the news 2 young children (4 and 5) have been stabbed.
What on earth is this country coming to?
Spot on the money, Xf.
The problem with being on the frontline (ambulance, police etc.) is that you are over exposed to such problems in society, these groups are over-represented in a days work.
Having said that, I believe any (proper) statistics would back up what we are seeing.
A solution? Beyond me at this stage. All I know is that it would need to be a huge group effort.
I agree with all you've said. Children these days lack respect, not all children, but a lot of them. If they can't get to grips with the basics then where does it all end?
Lives being violently extinguished on the streets, thats where.
Thank-you for broaching the subject with such honestly.
totally agree with evrything you've said, its a pity you're standing for elction!
As a society we must address the apathy that exists, prison sentences must get tougher & acutally match the crime, it's no good giving someone a smack on the hands. People must take responsibility for their own health & actions. All too often we hear, its because of.....
I was brought up to show respect & responsibility for my actions & I have tried to do the same with my children. Its not easy being a parent, but we owe to ourselves & the future generations to instill basic core values. Not all kids are bad by any means, as always the minority spoil it for the majority, but we must act to make sure this balance remains the same!
Be safe
Great post....... spot on. Only wish the powers that be would think this way.
I think your post reflects what most of the country is thinking. A common thread in your posts is people's inability to accept resonsibility- it is the blame culture we seem to have created for ourselves. Whenever something happens that we are not happy with we immediately look for someone to blame (and sue), the last thing that seems to happen is to accept responsibility for our own actions. Parents of these thugs need to accept responsibility as do the wider communities- rather than blame a lack of police, lack of resources- the fact that a community does not have a youth centre to keep kids busy does not excuse stabbing someone.
Family values and responsibility for our own actions and those in our care seems to have disappeared over these last decade. It was 10 years ago when the Human Rights Act was introduced. 'My human rights' the phrase everyone squeels when they want to absolve themselves of responsibility...
Sorry, I've wondered off the point a bit- your post is spot on.
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